It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
