i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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