i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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