I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
