i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize