Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
