We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
