So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
