Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
