can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
