He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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