And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
