So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
