I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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