im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
