You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
