so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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