I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
