If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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