watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
