life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
