So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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