I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
