TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
