I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
