my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
