Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
