awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
