another moral hangover. fuck.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
His nipple licking is glorious
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