you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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