Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
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Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm way too hungover for life right now
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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