After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
