I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is my gift to your gina
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
