you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
