Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
