I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize