yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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