Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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