Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
