do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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