it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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