Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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