so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
