BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
