For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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