btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
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I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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