No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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