Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This house was built for laser tag.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
