Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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