I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm at about main and main street
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
