Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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