So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
