I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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