I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
