I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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