Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
