you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I would ride that face into the sunset
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
