We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
