Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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