I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
