The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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