I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
