Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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