I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he thought i was a dude.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
